Oh Boy!!

Well here goes nothing. I have been without internet for about a week now and I am slowly going crazy. As I'm writing this from the library's computer and I don't have much time, this is a short post. Really short. When we get internet back I will make a longer post. Who knows it may even have something of interest on it. :)

Later all and Be Well

Meh

Well it's been a while since I posted anything. What to say? Oh, I don't know.... I hate my life, the way my body looks.

I've supposed to have been writing a letter to my late father about some things that I really don't want to remember, My mother says it will help me to deal with my depressions and issues. I just don't know what to put in the letter. How do I deal with 30 or so years of bad memories and disappointments from the man who was supposed to be my father. I thought he was supposed to love me unconditionally and not necessarily approve of the choices I make in life but to support me in the decisions I do make, even if they are the wrong ones. Do I put it in more detail that he was never really a father to me and that my older brother was more of a father than he would ever be. Ok he came to my graduation from high school, but then it would have been upsetting to my grandma (his mother) if he didn't come, seeing as I was graduating from Shoal Lake where I had been living with her for a year. But even there my older brothers were more visible as authority figures, and everyone could see just how much I idolized them and wanted to make them proud of me. It seemed like every time I tried to make my father proud of me I failed really badly. Sure I graduated from high school but I didn't finish college. I got pregnant by my ex boyfriend who said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and for me to have an abortion as it was not his anyway. When I got pregnant I was living with him, his second wife, and her kids, whom he had chosen over his own kids to many times to count. I don't even remember what I did to get thrown out of his house and life, they had known for about 3 months before I was kicked out. If we needed something and they needed something well they got what they needed and we did without. I don't want to hate him, I won't dance on his grave like i was telling everyone i would before he died. I actually love him and didn't want him to die at all. I was there at the end for him, I felt his life slip away right beneath my fingers as his heart beat it's last. I don't want to do that again, it's heartbreaking to say the least and really really hard on a person's emotions.

I'll leave it her for now..

Take care and Be Well

Just Blah

Hey there so it's been a while since I posted anything.... Bad Ely. Let's see where to start.... I disowned my mothers youngest daughter, my son got a job, I got a job and promptly lost my mind (anxiety kicked in). I think I have to see a therapist and get my meds changed or something cause I don't think they are working anymore. The first couple of shifts I had I was doing ok and then on my 3rd shift, I got really shaky and I couldn't remember anything she had told me from before. She asked me if everything was ok and I explained about my depression and anxiety, it seems she's on anti-depressants as well. She also said to not view this as a failure but a success in the fact that I tried. Hubby has been telling me that I need to get my hair cut, colored, and permed and that will make me feel better. He also said that maybe I could get a puppy (small dog).
I'm gonna try volunteering and see how that goes, sorta ease my way back into working, baby steps for me. Not gonna go over to well with my mother in law but hey it's my mental and emotional health that's important to me.

The son got a job working with hubby, and seems to like it.



Later all and may the Force be with You

So I'm sitting here playing Bingo online and thought to myself 'Gee I haven't posted anything on the blog recently' Oh boy am I a slacker :)Let me see where do I start. Well we ended up going into the city several times which threw the budget right out the window and leaves us a tad short for the month. who knew weddings were expensive, oh well it was all worth it cause it got all my brothers and sisters together for a happy time instead of sad one. My mother got to see most of her grandchildren, she was missing 5. My brothers rode in from Ottawa on their motorcycles, Cim just bought himself a Harley :) On the downside Dwayne was too ill to go to the wedding or reception so he stayed in the hotel room sleeping and I got to drive. It's not often I can drive, he says I make him nervous. My drivings ok, I didn't kill anyone. :P

That's all that sticks out atm more later.

A Funny Story

I have this story kicking around in my head for several months now and I would like to share it with all.



Lemons

It was a gorgeous spring day and a rare time when the four friends were together. They had all moved to different parts of the country but stayed in touch. It was the usual girl talk, kids, jobs, hobbies. The talk turned to their husbands, as it always seems to, when Rebecka said ‘Have you ever noticed how men describe our boobs as fruit?’
Susan replied ‘Yeah, they call them melons, or some other form of fruit.’ Laughing, Jessica said ‘You know we should call men's some fruity name too.’ Well that got us all laughing and trying to come up with some fruit names for our husbands moobs (man boobs). We came up with lemons, limes, and grapes. Now here is where the conversation gets really funny and has people staring at us because we are laughing hysterically.

Rebecka ‘My hubbies are like lemons.’
Jessica ‘Mine are like grapes.’
Naomi ‘Mine are like limes.’
Susan started to pretend cry as she wailed ‘I don’t have any! He’s got none!’

Oh Boy!!!

Well it's been a couple of weeks since i posted last and so much has happened. My oldest who was working got royally screwed over on his first paycheck and all the manager would say is 'Maybe he didn't clock back in after his breaks.' Like come on he was missing over half of the hours he worked and your gonna tell me that it is his fault. He worked for the company before and knew how to clock in and out, he's not some stupid kid working his first job. I'm not worried tho he'll find another one soon.

My daughter turned 14 and is spending 2 weeks with one of her aunties and is having a blast. when I talked to her last night she was eating bannock! and my sister asked if it was OK for her to give the kid a smoke? My daughter asked her for one!!! We made some arrangements for when we go into Winnipeg her my auntie Ellery's wedding in a week. We told her she didn't have to go to the wedding but can spend the night with one of her friends and we'd pick her up on the way out of the city. It was a compromise as her friend wouldn't be able to come and stay for a couple of weeks (it's way to crowded here)

The youngest is just hanging out with his friend and having fun not going into school, both of the kids passed their grades Woohoo!!!! He's not doing much.

The hubby and I took a trip into Wpg to see some friends and get an upgrade on his comp for his game 'StarCraft 11' which comes out this month and since I'm not gonna share my comp (I'm already sharing it with the kids) he got his done. It's my turn next for an upgrade :) The friend we went to see is taking a leave of absence from work and storing all the furniture and stuff while he's in Edmonton with his wife and daughter. I'm not sure if I had mentioned it but his daughter is recovering from cancer and from the treatments her heart failed so she has a Berlin Heart and will hopefully get on the transplant list soon, but until then she's in the children's hospital in AB and he's tired of not being able to see her and his wife every day.

So that's it for now hopefully I won't wait so long to post again :)

GRAD!!!!!

Hi all just a quick note to day that my course is over and I'm soooo happy. I had my mom and my oldest son there, and my son decided that he wants to do the course when it starts again in the fall. Before he goes into the mature student high school program. I think it would be good for him.

Some of us went out to supper and then to one of the local bars, I have never felt so old as i did then. I know I don't look 40 but boy did i feel it tonight. The bar was one that i went to when I was young and carefree (about a lifetime ago). It was packed with people about the age I was when I went there, and some of them were dressed the same way too. It's true when people say that fashion trends just keep going in circles and what was old is new again. I had about 7 drinks and so far I feel really good. Gonna eat my wings and drink my slurpee and maybe sleep on the couch as the youngest is sleeping in my bed with my hubby :)